Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
