i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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