hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
