i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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