He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
