***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
