I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
