I could make wine with my vomit
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
