wrigley field is MILF paradise
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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