Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That accounts for only three of the penises
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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