She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I deserve this hangover.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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