go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
