I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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