Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
