I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
