On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
