The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk is not a location!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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