We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
