I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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