I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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