I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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