I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
