our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
