I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
