someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The Olympian is in my bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
