Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
