to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
