you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
