It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
