My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
