I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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