Whod you bang
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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