And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
