singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
