none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
