Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
