A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
