Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
