I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
