My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize