I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
