Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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