get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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