I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
