I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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