I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
