Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
