UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
