after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
