you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
