I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize