I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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