Me too!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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