I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize