bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
