Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
