Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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