omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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