WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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