I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
