who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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