you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
