i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
