So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
