when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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