I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
