As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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