you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
