Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
