Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
