If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
