Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
