I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
