Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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