I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
